how is it your 35th birthday?
it feels like just yesterday…
…we were fifteen, meeting that september in 2005—
ducking through hallways, pressed against lockers with “i’m late!” kisses.
…we were young kids, clueless to their surrounding world—
walking the track hand in hand,
pushing every boundary we could find.
…i’d wake to the buzz of my phone at 2am,
your voice on the other end: “yo lex! we’re outside your house!”
a ‘good girl’ like me never dared to sneak out on a school night—
but that never stopped you from trying.
…your voice saying “lex” gave me butterflies,
every single time you called my name.
…we’d drive around in my saab,
you half-distracted on calls, us singing
"lean on me" and "tattoo" with dayne bouncing in the back seat,
trying to steal back your attention.
…we filled our aim with dave matthews band lyrics,
speaking to each other through borrowed verses.
maybe that’s where our love story quietly began,
and carried on through the lyrics we ended each letter we penned.
…we’d fight—over missed calls, silence that stretched too long—
but it would all melt the second i heard your voice again.
…i used to wear your “man rings” like a badge of honor—
proof i meant something more to you.
…i’d race to the mailbox after class,
heart leaping at the sight of your handwriting,
as i danced my way inside to devour every word.
…you believed in me fiercely, lovingly, and stubbornly—
telling me i could chase any dream,
if i just let myself.
…you wore those same damn pajama pants
almost every day freshman year,
and somehow made it look good.
…we’d sit in my jeep,
your hand behind my head, or on my thigh,
mapping out futures like we already owned the stars.
…i’d be curled on the couch in my basement,
the phone pressed to my cheek,
whispering secrets until one of us
fell asleep on the other end.
…you gave me your cubs hat—
and for years i kept it hidden in a box,
treasuring it’s existence and the fate that it ended up in my hands.
…we sat out in the rain on a brisk november night,
picking up where we left off—
trading promises the world was never built to keep.
there will always be a layer of sadness and a weight of grief that we’ll never celebrate another birthday, milestone, or moment of just being, together in this lifetime.
that layer feels permanent now— woven into the fabric of a life without you here.
but as i sat down to remember you, what came wasn’t sadness—
it was laughter, smiles, and joy, as a reel of memories played like a grainy film in my mind.
you are remembered. today and always— with every piece of my heart. happy birthday aao.
‘wait for me by the water, on the first rain of june, and i'll be there with all the letters i ever wrote, for you.’